what a emotional day so far

very upset feeling alot of unwanted emotions 

😦 had my welfare meeting at work today to talk about my occupational health report ive been off sick for about 7 months going through a lot of appointments with the musculoskeletal clinic and still on going also awaiting for a scan . the out come of the meeting was clear that i am at the moment unfit for work due to my condition dont really want to go into to much detail on my Condition but i am heartbroken, i do want to say im gonna miss all my friends ive worked with over the time ive been there i wish you all the very best thanks for all your support heres to getter better xxx

How my occupational health appointment went yesterday.

Well I had the worst experience yesterday went to a lovely doctor specialist arranged through my work place I am a health carer and have been for more than 10 years. I have been off sick due to a bulging disk for about seven months went to see the works specialist see if I’m fit for work again. He looked at me and said I’m really very sorry but your not fit for any work your back is in extreme pain and the pressure your putting your body under is extremely overwhelming he felt a long my spine and could feel all the lumps along it he asked me how my health in general is without the pain I told him I’m forget full don’t sleep much due to the pain nerves I’m feeling some days I need help just getting out of bed. He sat me down and look at me with so much heartfelt I’m really sorry Mrs Davies but your can’t ever work in the Job you love again if fact I don’t know of your physical well being will benefit from ever Woking I can’t express how much I’m heartbroken my working life has just flipped up side down the doctor told me to take early retirement. I’m 35 I should be at my prime in working life I’ve worked all my life this is the first time I’ve not worked. It really does upset me I have no idea what I can do now, put all my energy into writing that book I always wanted. Will anyone read it haha. Or do I do a home project and see if I can make some income with my art. At this moment I’m just heartbroken it’s like I have to find myself all over again. I really loved my job

Today is the day.

Well finally the time has come. Today is the day Ive got my occupational health appointment for my bulging disk. Not really sure what they will do at the appointment but anything beats what I’m going through. It’s hard not working for those who know me I loved my job and I’ve been off 7 months it’s getting harder and harder not to let it get to me. So a massive change in my occupational life is definitely needed what ever the out come as my job is just to physically demanding. And it’s not like I’m getting any younger. Wish me luck guys fingers crossed I get some answers from the specialists today.

Time for a change time isn’t on my side.

Think its time to change the way i live my life at the moment i am unwell sick with pain from the bulging disk i have at times its so painful i cant move and i get sent to hospital to have a dose of there powerful medication i find it hard to workout and have the strength to get through it i shouldn’t be feeling like this i am only 35 my dad who is 66 has more bounce than i have and hes not in the best of health i miss working i miss my social life i had a good network of friends but as i become more ill it all disappeared i was the one who loved my job but the job i do is not friendly to your body is its it tall now i feel like a change is needed healthy eating , and all that jazz i think the most painful for me to overcome is going to be the exercise oh and yeah give up the cigs . i dont really drink only when its like birthdays or wedding celebrations i did all that when i was younger drinking on student nights going out early coming home the next morning lol . yep i was a rebel me and my partner are trying to a have a child something ive wanted to give him since we got together i know thats all hes ever wanted we lost our first she or he would of been 9 and every since then my body just wont give us what we truly desire he says if he never happens he will love me no matter what and that makes him a very special soul , he has not give up hope hes got more strength than he knows he has hes put up with me for so long . anyway thats a diffrent story than im sure ill share with you all one day first thing is first , STOP eating JUNK food lol going to be hard as im a chocoholic and when im upset i comfort eat im sure alot of people have here sin foods lol. Wish me luck and ill keep you all up todate on whats going on i know ive got the push through the pain no matter what comes i need to have this CHANGE …